13 February 1992, Thursday.

After my late night and alcohol binge, I over slept, I eventually awoke at 11am, sat around and played my flute. Had a mandi and ate some breakfast. At 3pm, I went to the school and said a final goodbye, but they all thought that I was already gone. I left there at 4pm, after more unemotional goodbyes, and then left for Herun's house with Asep. Alison was already there, I'm glad she was able to keep at least one promise. We all had some cake and coffee, talked for a while, then Alison went home, I stayed for a while longer, then at 5:20pm, I left Herun's house and headed to Norma's house. Asep sponged another bus fare off me, but I'm so used to it now, but it's not just me, he does it to everyone. I got to Norma's, she looked lovely, we left her house and went to the Matahari department store, we played some game's in the amusement arcade and then watched a low budget American film in the cinema, during the film we were able to have a little kiss and cuddle. We went back to her house at about 9pm, talked for a while, and then at 10pm, I left, obviously not wanting to, but I had to, the goodbye kiss was beautiful, but destructive in it's tenderness.
I caught a bechak back to Herun's house, still thinking of that kiss. We arrived before I knew it, I sat and talked with Herun until about midnight, then returned to Lengkong and Aji's house, which had been my house and home for what seemed like a life time. Aji and Itis were both sleeping, both fully clothed. I sat outside the bedroom and sketched Aji as he slept, it turned out to be a damn good drawing, although my talent for drawing isn't truly appreciated here it seem's.
I haven't slept all night, it's 6am now, I've been sitting, playing my bamboo flute that Wiwan bought me yesterday, and listening to the walkman that my Dad sent me for Christmas, which I bought batteries for earlier, listening to John Lennon, which was one of the tapes Aji gave me, and then, writing and drawing, and watching the people starting to go about there daily routine's. I want to go to Norma's house, I think I will, although I haven't done any packing yet and it's only two hours before I supposed to leave.

12 February 1992, Wednesday.

I got up and went to school as usual at 8am, well actually, I was slightly late, as usual. Taught a class more introduction's, and then said more goodbye's. Before the lesson had finished, Alison turned up to sit in on the lesson, and afterward's I was going to show her round the shop's. Wiwan gave us a lift to the Matahari department store in his van, which I never knew he had. We went in, and I walked straight up to the Dallas fried chicken place, where Norma(the girl from the telephone office) work's. She wasn't there, but her boss was a really nice guy and gave me her address, and told me that it was no more than a minute's walk from the store, so we walked straight round there, but she wasn't home, so we returned back the shop's and looked around. Then we went our separate way's, me going to the handy craft's shop to buy some tiny Sundanese puppet's for my newphew's and neices, and two necklaces.
I got back to school about half an hour late, then went through the same, but never yet boring goodbye routine. It's so funny, everyone is so nice to me, now they know that I'm leaving that is, the shy girl's even talk to me know. The rain started to fall hard, at about 6pm, I went to Herun's house, where we sat and talked, and then I ate, for the first time today actually. As the hour's passed, the soft sheeth of darkness slowly consumed the roof tops and the huge satelite dishes. Herun asked me if I wanted to go to the Crown hotel, which was the closest thing to a pub in Tasikmalaya.
At 8pm, we both went to the Matahari department store, on a big motorbike, Herun had borrowed from work.I quickly went to Norma's house again, and this time she was in, Herun was waiting for me at the Matahari, I went in and sat down and had a drink, I asked her if she wanted to accompany me and Herun to the Crown, but she refused, I told her that since meeting her, I had put off my leaving Tasikmalaya, and she said that made her very happy, well she is very lovely. I noticed that it was already 9pm, and had left Herun waiting for an hour, so I finished my drink and stood up to leave, at which point she grabbed my arm and passonately kissed and embraced me, I was quite taken aback by the activity, and wished that I wasn't leaving Tasikmalaya.
I left and met up with Herun, telling him the story while we rode to Aji's, to invite him along.
We got back to Aji's, invited him, I got changed, and we all left for the Crown. The place was like a large nice Chinese resturant, with some of the lights turned off, and a three peice band entertaining the five or six people there, we sat at a table, and watched the band.
The beer's flowed thick and fast, and soon I was up singing with the band, by the end of the night, after many beer's and a whisky or two, after load's of song's, I had had a great night, although there were never more than six people in the large room at any given time. We left for home, Herun dropped me off at Aji's, and then carried on home, I jumped on Aji's bike and we went to a portable night food shop and bought some snack's and a big bottle of beer.
We got back to find Elise and Itis asleep on our bed's, they woke up and joined us talking, me and Aji drunk the beer, and we all eventually fell asleep, not before I was snogging Elise, although I don't really fancy her, I must have done at the time.

11 February 1992, Tuesday.

I had a bit of a lie in, and got up at 10am, ate some breakfast and then mandied, and as 1am crept up and touched me on the shoulder, I jumped onto a public transport bus and headed for school. I taught my class, which was more another goodbye session, and then sat around for a while. Suryaman had told me yesterday that I would only be teaching one class today, but as I went to leave the school, to go to the telephone office and call CSA airline's and confirm my leave date, he stopped me, looking very suprised, and asked me to teach the next group. I explained the necessity, and that I would return later. Aji arrived at the school and gave me a lift to the telephone office.
I made all the relevent call's which came to over 10,000rp's, but I have a leave date, I'm leaving Jakarta on the 21 February, at 5:40pm, but must get there 3 hour's before departure, and confirm all this 3 day's before. That mean's I've only got ten day's left here. That has shaken me up a bit, only ten more day's.
Aji gave me a lift back to the school, where I was greeted by even more goodbye's and photo's. I left the school exhausted, Aji gave me a lift to Herun's house, where I had some lovely food, and then Herun and I went around to Alison's house. As we entered the house, Alison rushed over saying "I was just coming to your house", and I wondered how much truth there was in that statement. We all talked for a while, well actually, we sat and listened to her basically moan about Indonesian people, for what seemed like an iternity.
Herun came back to Aji's house with me, then all three of us got in one bechak and went to the Yogya department store, and then went to a cafe place and downed a couple of beer's together. At about 10pm, we left the cafe, Aji and Herun walked back, and I jumped into another bechak and went to the Matahari department store, to the Dallas chicken place, to meet the girl, that I met in the telephone office yesterday. The place was all closed up, so I walked home.
I got back to Lengkong and Aji's house, but Aji wasn't home, so thinking that Aji had gone back to Herun's, I put some more clothes on and walked out the door, and there was Aji just getting back. So we went out on Aji's motorbike and bought some food, then drove around for a while. Stopped by the roadside and had a durian. They are gorgeous, a bit like ice-cream, and to think that when I first arrived in Indonesia, I really didn't like them, or chilli's come to think of it, thing's have changed. We drove back home, I meditated for an hour or so on the roof, and then went to sleep with a fresh mind.

10 February 1992, Monday.

Aji called me, and I pleased myself enormously, by getting up, then proceeding to get dressed and walk downstairs, and all this before 8am. This is a definite first. I went to school and taught until 10am, then walked back to Aji's, where I ate, and sat and talked to Elise, then went back to school at 1am. I taught my first group, which were the guy's I went to the party with, we just talked about me going home, and I tried to give them what advice I could. The class ended very quickly, I took all of there addresses, and drew little picture's of them beside the appropriate address to help remind me. Suryaman asked me to teach again, well, to bid farewell to another of my group's, this group had the amazingly beautiful girl in it, again, I couldn't stop looking at her. I wanted to get some kind of responce from them when I said that I was leaving, but I've never been that close to that group I suppose, so I shouldn't have been supprised when there faces didn't change. After finishing that group, and hopefully making them work together, I said goodbye to them all, got a final look at the gorgeous girl and waited in the doorway of the school for Mr. Wiwan, who I had arranged to go out with for a drink. As I stood there, one of my student's, a quiet girl, that now wasn't that quiet, came over a began speaking to me, and then invited me back to her house, which was just up the road. She had also bought me a present, I went with her to her house, where she showed me how to make some cake's, I had told her group about my working history in resturant's, and now she wanted to show me.
Wiwan, his friend, Aji and Asep all turned up together, and after about half an hour, I left to go for a drink with Wiwan and his friend, Aji and Asep went somewhere else. Wiwan drove us in his van, I needed to go to the telephone office first, but we went to one and then another, in one, I met a very attractive girl from Bandung, who was very forward, well, for an Indonesian girl, well, I arranged to meet her again at the Matahari department store tomorrow.
The time was nearing 7pm, we stopped at a shop, where Wiwan bought me a giant can of lager, and we carried on back to the school, where I was meeting Aji and going back to the girl's house, her name was Sondang, as I'd promised her earlier before leaving with Wiwan. We stayed there until about 9pm, when I went to Herun's house, and Aji went home. I arrived at Herun's house, where we watched some television, and then wrote a letter to my Dad from Herun.
I left there at about 1am, got home to find Aji still awake, so we talked for a while and then done the unimaginable, went to sleep. I forgot to say, that I got paid my 50,000rp's by Wiwan this afternoon, for this last month's work at the school. Well, that's it.

9 February 1992, Sunday.

I was awoken by Asep at around 8am, then went downstair's scratching an angry mosquito bite on my stomach, that I seemed to of aquirred from last night. Sat down and ate a healthy breakfast, whilst watching a cartoon on the television with the little kid. At 10am, Asep and I headed off to Maranjia, which was around 12 km outside Tasikmalaya. We travelled there by a local transport mini bus, and went first to one of Asep's friend's house, he had a twelve string guitar, it was beautiful, and it was the first time that I'd played one, it sounded lovely, I want one.
Then we went to Poppy's house, she was one of my student's, we spent some time there talking to Poppy and her very attractive cousin, they had a home made electric guitar, I sat and had a play of that, then at around 3pm, heavy black cloud's started to dominate the sky. We all went out together with umbrella's because it was already spitting, and went to a school where there was an English course, we were invited in, and I sat and talked to the teacher there, another student of mine turned up, and we stayed longer, but at 5pm, we said goodbye and headed back to Tasikmalaya on the bus.
We both went back to Aji's, Aji was there, so we all ate and talked, then Asep and I left Aji to go and visit Herun. We walked to Pabrik Es and Herun's house, but Laga told us that he had not yet returned from Pangandaran, Asep went home for some food and said he would return later, I stayed and watched some television, Asep returned, and we watched the television together, but as it got later, and Herun still wasn't home, we both left, going our separate way's home at around 9pm. As I was walking home, I bumped into Aji, we got home together and sat up and talked about a day's activities, then moved into the bedroom where I am now writing this entry. It's midnight now, I have to teach in the morning. The drip of the rain pouring through the roof in many places, and the terrible DJ on the radio, trying to deal with his awful equipment. So the radio goes off, although the rain continues to fall, and I'm ready to sleep.

8 February 1992, Saturday.

A dream of Asep, speaking to me, was shattered by a voice, I opened my eye's, and saw Asep. How bizarre, he looked alot paler in the dream. It was about 11am, Wiwan was downstairs, but Aji wasn't around. I went downstair's to the toilet, and then stayed down there and talked to Wiwan.Then Aji came in, looking very distressed, he looked at me and said, 'You bring me a lot of trouble', then sat down. That made me feel good, as you can no doubt imagine. Later in came out, that he had gone to see the Police again, and they still thought he was a local gangster, and then on the way home on his motorbike, some van driver had gone into him, apparently indicating right, and then turning left. Aji had picked himself up from the side of the road, went up to the guy, and listened to the guy that just knocked him down, blame everything on Aji, and on hearing this, Aji promptly punched the guy on the end of the nose. Not a wise move for a man considered to already be a gangster by the Police.
This is why he was so peeved, later he apolagized to me, I ate some breakfast and then got on a bus and travelled the short distance to the school. There were a couple of my group's there, so I basically just talked about why I was leaving Tasikmalaya, and when, and then explained the reason's I had, that meant I couldn't stay and live in Indonesia. My reason's were, the military rule, the totalitarian police, the people's fear and the culture of it. I didn't tell them that if I stayed, I might be thrown in jail.
My clock read 1pm, I had said enough, I later found out, that one of my student's father, was very high up in the police, this made me feel too good. Then the rain started to pour, as usual the road was completely flooded under about 2ft of brown water, this happen's nearly everytime it rain's, the drain's cannot take the water away fast enough. The rain fell even harder, and the water level crept ever deeper, water was coming into the school now, van's began to get in trouble as they drove along the river like road, I took off my boots and sock's and spent the rest of the flooded period helping people, the student's still in the school and Suryaman thought it was very funny, that I should want to walk around in the flood water's helping people. A young girl, well around 15-16 wanted to get to the road to catch a public transport bus home, I offered to carry her, but they soon perked up to tell me that this was not allowed, and it struck me that this was another reason why I couldn't stay here, I could never get used to this attitude.
The rain stopped, and the water quickly drained away, I washed my feet and leg's, because I'd been walking around in the sewage water. I returned home on the back of one of my student's motorbike's, and then ate again, all of the girl's from next door were all talking and joking with me, they talk about my large nose, and other thing's that I have that are large, they are very rude, but it is funny. Elise came in and joined in, then Aji and Asep, I ate again and then left with Asep by bechak to his house, where I had planned to stay the night, and then go in the morning to a female student of mine's house, she is very pretty. Well, got to Asep's house, ate again, and then watched some awful Indonesian game show. I don't know if it's Asep's little brother or his newphew, but he's about 5 year's old and very naughty. At 9pm, Asep started with the old, are you tired yet? Then changed into his bedtime wear, the hint was large and obvious and I couldn't ignore it. I went upstairs, then came staight back down to use the toilet, which was just a whole, like the one in Aji's house, but this one was only a couple of feet away from the cooking area, without any kind of screen. I know that I must sound like such a prude, sorry. Then I returned back upstairs and wrote today's entry in the book. Asep slept next to me, then I remembered that I had promised Herun, that I would pop round and say hello, well, I haven't, and I don't suppose I am going to now, oh well, goodnight.

7 February 1992, Friday.

Why does it alway's happen, I awake only to go straight back to sleep, honestly expecting to wake again in good time. Aji said that he had already woken me earlier, but anyway, I got to school at 8:30am, sat and talked for half an hour and then taught for the next hour. I walked back to Aji's, ate some breakfast and washed my clothes, Aji wasn't home, but arrived at around 2:15pm, by which time I'd just finished washing my jean's, that had had a month's worth of grime within them, and had turned the soapy water the colour of the looming black cloud's above.
I ate again, and sat and talked to Aji, he told me that the police had come to see him again while I was in Jakarta, and that he had gone to see them this morning. They had interrigated him and linked him to a drug's ring, apparently, some time ago, Aji had got into trouble with the police because of fighting or something, and now didn't recognize his new leaf, that he'd changed. He was really worried, I didn't feel so good either.
I left for school again at 3pm, still with the police on my mind. The lesson wasn't my usual success, I've got a lot on my mind, I ended up, just giving my student's, what I thought was good advice. The paradise of this place, with the heavy shadow of the police.
Asep, one of my student's and I, all returned to Aji's on the student's scooter, it had started to rain hard. We all bundled in the front door, and I took off my wet shirt, and put on my jumper and sock's, I have a nasty cold, it's been hampering me for the last couple of day's, the runny nose, and now the rest of the symptom's are appearing. Asep and my student left once the rain had eased, Aji went upstairs and lay down, I ate again, then went upstairs and took a swig of whisky and said goodbye to Aji, and headed off to Herun's house. I caught a mini bus, it was still raining when I got to Pabrik Es, and as I walked up the road to Herun's house, I bumped into Herun returning from the gym.
We sat and talked, watched the television, had some food and coffee, and then watched a film. After the film had ended, just past midnight, I said thankyou and walked home to Aji's, wearing the black top that Laga had given me earlier. I got home and went to the toilet, then came upstairs and jotted down a song that I had been thinking about whilst I was walking back. I sat in the bedroom writing, sniffling and flicking Aji's head with my foot until about 2:15am, then finished the journal, blew my nose again and headed for sleep.